I saw Daniel Kitson tonight, goddamn he was funny. But he was also wise.

The show was all about death- well, a thread wove here and there, he did waver a bit but he always came back to the point- death. He was going on about how when his aunt was dying, and he went through a period of depression and futility where nothing felt like it mattered, everything was pointless because we were all going to die.

This struck something in me- see, I'm a bit afraid of dying. In fact I'm shit-scared terrified of it. Not the actual dying part- don't care about that at all- but the leaving of this mortal world.

I don't want to leave the world. I like it. I fucking love it. It's filled with so much awesome. I'm probably the opposite of suicidal- I want more from life than I get currently get into it. That's a pretty interesting statement from someone who spends hours looking at thereIfixedit.com, but seriously- I FUCKING LOVE being alive, and anyone or anything who takes that from me is an unmitigated cunt.

Apart from the fact that I like being here, I have shit to do. A lot of shit. I haven't become an artist who is 100% responsible for her own income. I haven't been in a new-age folksy bluegrass band. I haven't bought a pub and sold art right off the walls, I haven't done the costumes for a feature length Hollywood fantasy film. I haven't seen Norway.

Sometimes I'll get a pain in my arm or I'll look at my leg and see a funny lump, or I'll go through a period of a week with getting headaches every day. and I'll have a panic attack, and think what if it's cancer/a tumour/whatever...what if I'm going to die? And that freaks me out, because I don't want to.

This whole anxiety about dying before I get shit done gives me an almost manic desire to do things. I panic about not having enough time to do all the things I want to do. I think there's even a part of me that thinks sleeping is a waste of time. Fortunately for my mind, I forget things alot, and I am even at a truly heroic level where I can forget I'm anxious about not getting enough done in life, and this in turn gives me a chance to relax and spend 3 hours watching Futurama.

Anyway- the whole point is, Daniel made me think. What if it is all pointless? So what if I am going to die? I can't tell when- cancer is just as sudden as being run down by a bus or getting some giant mysterious stroke. I can't avoid the when of dying.

But why does all the stuff I want to do matter so much? Who's going to suffer if I don't buy a pub and turn it into an art gallery where there's always beer and never silence? Who's going to live a sadder life if they never hear me and my musical mates pluck out smoky mountain mellow? Will the world crumble if I don't have a hand in a filmic adaptation of some old-school sword and sorcery?

Essentially I just realised that if I die tomorrow and don't get to do all the things I want to do...it won't matter. My soul's judgement won't be hampered, my next life won't suffer. And if it does, I won't know, so arguing it is moot.

None of this puts me in a position to not care. I still want to do these things, I won't give up on them because it might all blow up tomorrow. It just makes it easier to do things one at a time, and not freak out that it's not happening as fast as I'd like.

It helps me take it easy. And to like sleep.

JESUS CHRIST. Now I know why people pay for accounts on LJ- that flat stomach ad is horrific!!

I've just unwrapped a Fantale, the first one I've had since I don't know when. And who's on the wrapper? Geoffrey fuckin' Rush! Magic.

I'm sure no one else in the world has Fantales- they're chocolate covered toffees with famous people's bios printed on the wrapper. You don't know who you'll get till you unwrap it- ooooooooooh exciting.

This is the sort of thing that is too long to put on my twitter I like to share with you.

Free to good home, Uterus

Never been used, unwanted gift. Good for storage. Box not included.


GEDDIT!?! box!?! HHAHAHAHA I HATE HAVING MY PERIOD. DX

My inbox this morning told me something wack. Disney is preparing to replace Johnny Depp in the next PotC movie, because he's rumoured to be upset some bigwig's left town.

You can read the whole dealio here, but what I wanted to say (and didn't want to sign up to Mtv to do so) was that this is likely what Russell Brand will pitch up for. They were courting him earlier, but he does seem a good replacement.

Having said that, I wouldn't recommend they go ahead with Pirates without Jack Sparrow- it wouldn't be the same and I doubt it would improve the Box Office fodder. Brand would make a perfectly good pirate/sea adventuring type (he annoys me when he's being himself, but in films he's very good- he did a steller job in St.Trinians) but I'd prefer him be as an original character, as far from Sparrow as they can get. But not Will Turnerish either.

It would leave one thing undeniable though- Barbossa is the real central character! :D

One other thing I found that doesn't really deserve to be a footnote at the end of another post (but I want to tell you before I forget) is that I found a great link to a blog that analyses Ghostbusters locations in New York, then and now. REALLY interesting stuff...in a spiritual way, of course. :)

If you can listen to this without so much as tappin' yer foot, your dead inside.

(ps I want to live on that set!)

hey chapperonis, just dropping by to let you know that I've made a new fancy journal for my businessy stuff, so people don't have to come here and be freaked out by all my weird stuff. If you wanna see, be friends, etc, go forth:

http://sparrow-salvage.livejournal.com/

It's where I'll be posting all the perdy pictures of things I make, behind the scenes goodness etc. It's more convenient for people who have an LJ platform but not Blogger. That's you! Possibly.

Anyway. I also have....a twitter. It's a business thing. Follow me if ya like. http://twitter.com/sparrowsalvage

In other news, I promise I shall return here soon. Probably when summer kicks in and I need someone to whine to about the heat. :D

ARGH I'm sick of stupid contests where stupid things happen and stupid people things win.

It's not sour grapes- there were a trillion awesome images entered in that contest, alot of them deserved to win more than mine did, but SERIOUSLY.

How many people out there are sick of experiencing some kind of creative contest only to see all the good stuff ignored and the COMPLETE SHIT come out on top?

Contest: http://www.flickr.com/groups/2009_focus_moh_competition/pool/

Contest winners: http://melbourneopenhouse.org/cms-focus-on-moh/photographer-competition-winners.phps


FOR FUCKS SAKE. I've taken better pictures than that while checking my white balance. The first one looks like a fucking sims cap!!!!!!! The staircase detail that won (second image) was taken by literally A FUCKTON of people, and this is the least memorable. There aren't even any pure whites!!!

Idiots.


P.S. ---> going to country for 3 weeks, brb.

Finally I took the plunge and had my best friend (who's been inking just under a year now) bring his set-up to my house and draw on me!



:D :D :D

The needle and thread is obviously symbolic of what I do, it's probably what I always will do and if I don't, it still represents now, and that's a huge stepping stone of my life path. I also developed my love of home crafts from my grandmothers, who's sewing boxes gave me many happy hours sifting and sorting. (And some items I still use). The loopy flourish pattern is the first 'fancy' thing I ever learned to draw- my Dad used to do pinstripe detailing on trucks and hot rods and he taught me that little loopy loop. The dots are just embellishments I have a habit of doing, I learned them waaaaay back in High School from a book on Medieval lettering.

I'm so happy the way it turned out- I couldn't have imagined it better. &hearts

James May, I am now of the opinion you saved my life.

I could elaborate but... romance is best in secret. :D